The Behinder I Get

I’m behind in everything. (That could be the name of my eventual memoir. Who Knows? Better get that started… eek.)

I can’t help feeling behind. I’ve just gotten back from visiting my 95 yo mother for ten days, and so many things waited for me. Just waited.

So, as I write in my morning pages, I recognize my overwhelming feeling is I’m behind.

I ask myself:

Q: How does that make me feel?

A: Pressured.

• Anxious.

Unwilling and unable to step away (again) for the weekend events

• Overwhelmed

• Tired, sad

It could easily unleash a cavalcade of negative feelings… like…

• I shoulda…

• I coulda…

• I meant to…

But in this case, it didn’t. Just an urgent desire to get some stuff done!

Still, overwhelm and tiredness do not lend themselves to peak efficiency and impressive productivity. So, I sat and wrote and thought…

• How do I change the thought to be something just as true, but less … icky feeling?

After mountains of proof that the original thought was accurate – I am behind – My dear little brain finally provided this thought:

• I’m just getting going.

And I’m sure you can see that thought is less debilitating. More fun and interesting. I’ve got a lot (A LOT) of things to “get going” on, but with this new framing of the thought, I’m able to just undertake them, one by one.

So, is it true that “I can’t help feeling behind”?

Of course I can help feeling that. Even if it’s true. Why? Because the opposite is also true, believable and “thinkable.”

One thought helps me feel better, so I choose that thought.

I’m not just glossing over the truth – I’ve got a lot of things to do, deadlines fast approaching and/or past – but I’m choosing to look at those same facts from the other side of the emotional spectrum.

• I’m just getting going. And so, here I go.​​​​​​​

If you have an icky thought that is making you feel bad, see if you can turn it around to something just as true, but serves you (and your emotional state) much better.

Meanwhile, I’ll get back to work, and feel better with each email, each paragraph I write, each promised task I complete.